You know what the worse thing anyone can ever say to you especially when you are going through heartbreak, anger, and sadness? “Everything happens for a reason.” Those are the worse words anyone can say at that moment. I know that because I hate when people would say that to me when I was sad or angry or even my heart hurting over a guy.
Many people would use those words towards me and at the time no one wants to hear it. People just need to grieve at their own pace because sometimes heartbreak takes longer then someone else’s heart to heal. The worse also is when people constantly remind you, you were never in a relationship with this person so why are you so hurt and how can you love someone. You don’t need to be in a relationship to fall in love, especially when you hang with the person constantly and get to know them on a emotional level.
Why do people think cheating is okay? I don’t get it. Cheating isn’t okay and never will be okay. If you are in a relationship with someone it’s because you are committing yourself to one person. Sure, being boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t mean you are married, but it is still a commitment, so why cheat? And if you are married, you especially shouldn’t cheat! Marriage is committing your life to one person and that’s how it should be. Obviously.
Alright, folks, ready for a little controversy? On second thought, what I’m about to write shouldn’t be controversial. It should be a that’s-ridiculous-and-disgusting-and-offensive-to-good-fathers-and-functional-daughters-everywhere no-brainer.
So tonight, as I’m driving home from nearly exerting myself to death on my bike, I hear this situation on the radio: A father, right here in my humble town, is encouraging his 18-year-old daughter to be an “adult film starlet.” Yes. As in porn star. Here’s how this went down. Apparently this
dad had his old college buddy—and thriving porn star friend—over to dinner. This friend sees the 18-year-old daughter and tells her father that she’s “smokin’ hot.” Not conventionally gorgeous like Jenna Jameson, he adds, but she could easily fit among the top 25 of today’s porn stars. He wanted to sign her right there on the spot. For $400,000 a year. And Daddy says? Hell yes!
Well, okay, I guess he didn’t say hell yes. He brought it up with his daughter, who was “taken aback” by the suggestion. Um, yeah! If my dad approached me after dinner with his raunchy-ass friend and said, “Hey, Kate—Bob thinks you’ve got the stuff”—a.k.a. T&A—“to be a hot porn star. Wanna give it a go? You’ve got my support.” I’d be like, WTF? My dad thinks I’m a ho.
And the kicker. Apparently the girl’s mother—who is still married to the father, mind you—knows nothing about any of this. She has no idea that her husband, who held their baby girl in his arms after she was born, is encouraging said baby girl to be everybody’s “baby girl.” Yes. That’ll be a fun conversation. “Hey, hon, how would you feel about Margaret being renamed Crystal and starring in Back Door Beauties XXIIIII?” If I were the wife, I’d be packing my bags and my daughter and getting the hell outta there!
Am I being completely close-minded here? Is this actually the act of a loving and supporting father who wants his daughter to be financially and sexually liberated? Or is this
guy just absolutely in-effing-sane? How would you react if you were the daughter or the wife in this situation? I’d love your opinions!
Oh… and as a fun little add-on, my husband just told me about a dad who SWORDED HIS SON for not moving out. Sworded. As in like, stabbed with a sword that he just happened to have hidden under the living room couch. Well, yeah. Isn’t that where everyone keeps their swords? The son’s okay. The dad’s effing nuts. What’s wrong with parents these days???
As I’ve said before, guys just aren’t allowed to ignore Valentine’s Day. First of all, it’s advertised everywhere in every store you could possibly shop in. Secondly, the retailers make it ridiculously easy for men to pick something up for us. Whether it’s a heart shaped box filled with chocolates, some silly stuffed animal, or a bouquet of flowers, guys have it easy. But what about us? What the hell do we get for our husband, boyfriend, or friend who is male? Candy? Sure, but that’s not very original and maybe you’re like me and have been buying Valentine’s chocolate all week. If I do buy Husband a cutesy stuffed animal I can’t expect that to be the only gift. He’ll take one look at it and toss it to the cat. And flowers? For men? I don’t think so. We may as well buy ourselves the bouquet of our choice.
So we know, for the most part, Valentine’s Day is really a test for men to see how romantic they can be. But I still like to return the gesture. I may be a taker but I love to give just as much. And as cheesy as Valentine’s Day really is, I think men want to be romanced just as much as we do.
Here are some “gift” ideas that I think men will appreciate this Saturday.
1. Be Sexy
Ok this one is obvious and probably the one thing he really (really) wants. If you’re like me, you have a drawer full of sexy lingerie that pretty much stays there most of the time. Maybe I’ll buy something new but then again, will he even notice if it’s new? Probably not. If you wanted to actually buy a gift to offer while looking hot, a basket of intimate “bedroom” products is a sure thing. Sex is really all men want most of the time so giving him what he wants is your best bet.
No matter how silly and ultimately meaningless this “hallmark holiday” is, every girl hopes that someone will acknowledge her on Valentine’s Day. When I was a single girl, I dreaded Valentine’s Day (and most holidays for that matter). But like most single girls, I still hoped and prayed that some secret admirer would send me flowers, candy, or some cute stuffed bear wearing a red tee shirt with some cheesy phrase like “be mine” on it . Hey, I’d even settle for a card. I just wanted something that day. Just to feel loved, appreciated, alive. And sometimes I would get something. There are some sensitive gems out there that are willing to play along. I had a male boss who always brought a single pink rose to every woman in the office as a gesture of appreciation. And of course there’s Dad. Even a Garfield or Snoopy card from Dad could cheer me up on a day that depressed the hell out of me.
I think the majority of men think Valentine’s Day is just plain stupid. But the bottom line is no matter how cool the girl plays it, she is most likely desperate for some offering on this day. She’s actually waiting and waiting for that moment to happen. When the delivery man comes to her desk at work with a huge monstrosity of roses, instead of passing her by and delivering to her neighbor, she is completely elated. Having flowers delivered may seem overboard for some guys but if she works in an office environment with a ton of women, you best be sending flowers. And mind you they don’t have to be roses. If you ask a woman what her favorite flower is chances are it’s not a rose. Whatever the flower arrangement is though, the worst thing that can happen is being surrounded by bouquets that aren’t for you. Even if you have a night out planned, send the flowers! You’ll have a much better evening if you do. (In order to make this even easier for you, here’s a ProFlowers coupon for 20% off any order + free vase - or you can enter to win one of five $70 ProFlowers gift certificates we are giving away, just in time for Valentine’s Day.)
In these times of economic crisis, people everywhere are looking for ways to cutback. This week, Netflix reported their highest sales growth in years. Could it be that those ridiculously high movie tickets are just too much of an expense these days? Last week Husband and I spent $30 on a trip to the theatre. Now while it’s not something we ultimately want to cut from our budget, signing up for a DVD rental program is a great way for us to save some cash. It’s also a really great way to spend an evening. Making a good dinner, putting comfy PJ’s on, and curling up on the couch to a good flick can be romantic and relaxing after a hectic work week. It’s also an excellent way to finally watch those movies you’ve wanted to see but never got around to. We’re renting some classics now like Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Lawrence of Arabia (which will take up your entire evening).
There are tons of ways to create “cheap dates” besides succumbing to the all you can eat buffet or the Mickey D’s drive through. For example, going to lunch instead of dinner is a great, cheap way to try a new restaurant. Or, how about taking advantage of the local scenery? We headed to the big Shedd Aquarium here in Chicago last weekend and it was fun and inexpensive. Museums, zoo’s, etc. in general are usually priced pretty low. Plus, it’s a great way to spend time with each other, get out of the house, and experience cool things right in your own backyard. A friend of mine just told me she and her husband toured the Anheuser Busch brewery in Jacksonville, FL for the first time even though they’ve lived there for at least 8 years. It’s amazing how we sometimes overlook our local attractions.
Sometimes, having a drink on a date is a great way to calm your nerves. Having three, four, or even five can lead to disaster. The reason I bring this up is I recently had a conversation with a friend about one of her most recent disaster dates. While she is not a big drinker, she finds herself a little too tipsy when she’s out with a new guy. She truly is a “drunk dater”.
How she explains it to me is that after arriving at a restaurant the easiest way for her to relax is to order a drink. It puts her at ease and gives her something to do instead of fidgeting. If she’s having a good time with this guy and likes the look of him, her first drink goes down pretty quickly. If she really, really likes him, she could easily end up finishing three martinis in the first hour, yikes.
The problem is after the second drink she’s so tipsy that she could be having fun with anyone! The date becomes more of party and by the end of the night there’s a chance she could wind up lip locked (or worse) in the front seat of the car. Then she wonders why things didn’t work out. And by “work out” she means being taken seriously for a deeper relationship.
If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’ve been in a handful of relationships prior to getting married. Most of them were meaningful and some of them were pretty intense. I have been in love more then once and yeah, I’ve said those three little words a few times. It is so funny to me how we (us girls) are so anxious about wanting to hear our man give in to his emotions and tell us he loves us. Sometimes we stare at them and repeat to ourselves “say it, say it, come on say it” (well, maybe us crazy ones). We really want to hear it because for one, it confirms that this guy is really serious about us and two, that he’s not going anywhere (at least for a little while).
Some of us go through many stages of anxiety in a relationship. The first stage, after a serious relationship is established, is the “when is he going to say ‘I love you’?” stage (by the way, the next stage is “when is he going to propose”). When you have completely fallen in love, all you want to do is say it. You want to tell him you love him everyday. But you won’t. And why? Because you want him to say it first, and in my opinion, he should. You really never, ever want to be in a situation where you profess your love to someone and then it not be returned. That’s harsh. But I said he should, not he must.
Some people have been asking me why I’m blogging so much about dating and ex-boyfriends now that I’m a married woman. Well, if you look at my life in segments, my dating life far exceeds my married life. I figure my first date happened at the age of 15 and I was married at 30. 15 years of dating versus just over one year of being married. I can no way claim to have knowledge about how to make a marriage work. But I can discuss what I’ve experienced so far, and steps I’ve taken to make my marriage successful.
So the wedding is over. It’s funny how the question that everyone asked went from “how’s the wedding planning?” to “how’s married life treating you?” or “so when are you having a baby?”. I find the one about married life the most interesting. I hear it the most from married people and am now starting to feel like maybe it’s a trick question. If I look closely, I can see them looking at me with a raised eyebrow and maybe thinking to themselves “ha ha sucker, so how is married life really”? It seemed innocent at first and I always answered “Great!” But I realized that they knew something that I didn’t, and were waiting for me to discover that being married is no walk in the park.
Sometimes women put up with quite a bit from a guy to make a relationship work out. We ignore some obvious signs that this guy might not be the one, all for the hopes that everything will work itself out. Sometimes these red flags are waiving right in our faces and we push them aside. For what? To not be single, or alone? Sometimes, it’s just not worth it.
Half a decade ago I was in a really bad situation with one of those “bad boys”. You know, that guy who is so bad for us, but for some reason we must have. The guy that we think we can change (which never happens by the way). After the first three weeks of dating this guy, he completely blew up at me, I mean he had a MAD temper and it came out early (lucky for me right?). So of course I ended it. Hello? Major red flag! I didn’t want to be with a guy who yelled for no reason, right? The he apologized. And for some reason I gave him a second chance. I don’t think most women would, but I did. I liked the idea of him (having a boyfriend) and of course, thought I could change him.
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