Lately when I look around me, marriages and relationships fall apart. Whether people get married for the right reasons or the wrong, people are too quick to end their marriage when it gets too hard for them to handle because getting divorces are extremely easy.
Relationships fall apart because no one knows how to be faithful anymore nor do they know how to be committed. It’s pretty sad because any relationship I see someone has cheated or both have cheated. I know cheating may happen, but when it happens more then once, obviously you shouldn’t be with that person and should probably break up before it causes more hurt then happiness
Honestly when I look at the relationships and marriages around me, it makes me not want to ever get married or get in a relationship, but then I see how happy my parents are after being married for 35 years and altogether 40 years. They are still completely in love it makes me sick—not literally. I also look at my sister and my brother-in-law who have been together for seven years I believe they are still in love. I have hope when I look at them, but I still have a hard time trusting anyone because I have seen what goes on in my friends relationships with cheating, and honestly I am not so sure I will ever be able to trust anyone.
Okay, that’s kind of an unfair question. After all (in most cases… hehe) the relationship is as different as could be. Perhaps I should rephrase: To whom do you show more courtesy and consideration: your boss or your spouse?
The question is one I’ve vaguely had in mind for a few days, ever since I decided to multitask by using my lunch hour get my cardio in via taking the dog for a jog. I also took along my Bluetooth headset just in case any clients called. Instead, it was my husband who called, and I tried valiantly to have a decent conversation while keeping my pace through the home stretch. Eventually, he griped, “I can’t hear a thing you’re saying with all that wind. Just call me later.” Before hanging up, he added, sort of incredulously, “You wouldn’t actually talk to a client like this, would you?”
Forget it, ladies! Find a man who already has the qualities you are looking for. Now, I am not saying that if you are both young and he is still getting an education and will be moving up in his career that you should not be with him. I am talking about situations like he is forty and still living with his parents or has room mates and smokes pot all day; when he’s still trying at fifty to get that record deal while he expects you to support him, well, you get the idea. If you are fine with those scenarios or something similar, then that is alright, but if not, move on to someone who already has something going on. Don’t think that with your encouragement or advice that he will change into what you want him to be. So many women are so eager to fall in love and get married that they give a guy credit for qualities that he doesn’t have and won’t ever develop. Don’t fall for a guy until you know all that you need to about him. You want a man with good character and the qualities that are important to you now, not possibly one day.
Don’t commit to or marry a guy if:
* He is jealous and it has been an issue in his past relationships.
* He abuses drugs or alcohol. An addict will always give priority to his addiction. You cannot save him or change that; the desire to change has to come from within him.
* He is gay and you think that you can change him.
* He tries to isolate you and makes you give up your friends and activities that you enjoy.
* He makes fun of you or tells you that you are stupid.
As I’ve said before, guys just aren’t allowed to ignore Valentine’s Day. First of all, it’s advertised everywhere in every store you could possibly shop in. Secondly, the retailers make it ridiculously easy for men to pick something up for us. Whether it’s a heart shaped box filled with chocolates, some silly stuffed animal, or a bouquet of flowers, guys have it easy. But what about us? What the hell do we get for our husband, boyfriend, or friend who is male? Candy? Sure, but that’s not very original and maybe you’re like me and have been buying Valentine’s chocolate all week. If I do buy Husband a cutesy stuffed animal I can’t expect that to be the only gift. He’ll take one look at it and toss it to the cat. And flowers? For men? I don’t think so. We may as well buy ourselves the bouquet of our choice.
So we know, for the most part, Valentine’s Day is really a test for men to see how romantic they can be. But I still like to return the gesture. I may be a taker but I love to give just as much. And as cheesy as Valentine’s Day really is, I think men want to be romanced just as much as we do.
Here are some “gift” ideas that I think men will appreciate this Saturday.
1. Be Sexy
Ok this one is obvious and probably the one thing he really (really) wants. If you’re like me, you have a drawer full of sexy lingerie that pretty much stays there most of the time. Maybe I’ll buy something new but then again, will he even notice if it’s new? Probably not. If you wanted to actually buy a gift to offer while looking hot, a basket of intimate “bedroom” products is a sure thing. Sex is really all men want most of the time so giving him what he wants is your best bet.
No matter how silly and ultimately meaningless this “hallmark holiday” is, every girl hopes that someone will acknowledge her on Valentine’s Day. When I was a single girl, I dreaded Valentine’s Day (and most holidays for that matter). But like most single girls, I still hoped and prayed that some secret admirer would send me flowers, candy, or some cute stuffed bear wearing a red tee shirt with some cheesy phrase like “be mine” on it . Hey, I’d even settle for a card. I just wanted something that day. Just to feel loved, appreciated, alive. And sometimes I would get something. There are some sensitive gems out there that are willing to play along. I had a male boss who always brought a single pink rose to every woman in the office as a gesture of appreciation. And of course there’s Dad. Even a Garfield or Snoopy card from Dad could cheer me up on a day that depressed the hell out of me.
I think the majority of men think Valentine’s Day is just plain stupid. But the bottom line is no matter how cool the girl plays it, she is most likely desperate for some offering on this day. She’s actually waiting and waiting for that moment to happen. When the delivery man comes to her desk at work with a huge monstrosity of roses, instead of passing her by and delivering to her neighbor, she is completely elated. Having flowers delivered may seem overboard for some guys but if she works in an office environment with a ton of women, you best be sending flowers. And mind you they don’t have to be roses. If you ask a woman what her favorite flower is chances are it’s not a rose. Whatever the flower arrangement is though, the worst thing that can happen is being surrounded by bouquets that aren’t for you. Even if you have a night out planned, send the flowers! You’ll have a much better evening if you do. (In order to make this even easier for you, here’s a ProFlowers coupon for 20% off any order + free vase - or you can enter to win one of five $70 ProFlowers gift certificates we are giving away, just in time for Valentine’s Day.)
In these times of economic crisis, people everywhere are looking for ways to cutback. This week, Netflix reported their highest sales growth in years. Could it be that those ridiculously high movie tickets are just too much of an expense these days? Last week Husband and I spent $30 on a trip to the theatre. Now while it’s not something we ultimately want to cut from our budget, signing up for a DVD rental program is a great way for us to save some cash. It’s also a really great way to spend an evening. Making a good dinner, putting comfy PJ’s on, and curling up on the couch to a good flick can be romantic and relaxing after a hectic work week. It’s also an excellent way to finally watch those movies you’ve wanted to see but never got around to. We’re renting some classics now like Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Lawrence of Arabia (which will take up your entire evening).
There are tons of ways to create “cheap dates” besides succumbing to the all you can eat buffet or the Mickey D’s drive through. For example, going to lunch instead of dinner is a great, cheap way to try a new restaurant. Or, how about taking advantage of the local scenery? We headed to the big Shedd Aquarium here in Chicago last weekend and it was fun and inexpensive. Museums, zoo’s, etc. in general are usually priced pretty low. Plus, it’s a great way to spend time with each other, get out of the house, and experience cool things right in your own backyard. A friend of mine just told me she and her husband toured the Anheuser Busch brewery in Jacksonville, FL for the first time even though they’ve lived there for at least 8 years. It’s amazing how we sometimes overlook our local attractions.
If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’ve been in a handful of relationships prior to getting married. Most of them were meaningful and some of them were pretty intense. I have been in love more then once and yeah, I’ve said those three little words a few times. It is so funny to me how we (us girls) are so anxious about wanting to hear our man give in to his emotions and tell us he loves us. Sometimes we stare at them and repeat to ourselves “say it, say it, come on say it” (well, maybe us crazy ones). We really want to hear it because for one, it confirms that this guy is really serious about us and two, that he’s not going anywhere (at least for a little while).
Some of us go through many stages of anxiety in a relationship. The first stage, after a serious relationship is established, is the “when is he going to say ‘I love you’?” stage (by the way, the next stage is “when is he going to propose”). When you have completely fallen in love, all you want to do is say it. You want to tell him you love him everyday. But you won’t. And why? Because you want him to say it first, and in my opinion, he should. You really never, ever want to be in a situation where you profess your love to someone and then it not be returned. That’s harsh. But I said he should, not he must.
Some people have been asking me why I’m blogging so much about dating and ex-boyfriends now that I’m a married woman. Well, if you look at my life in segments, my dating life far exceeds my married life. I figure my first date happened at the age of 15 and I was married at 30. 15 years of dating versus just over one year of being married. I can no way claim to have knowledge about how to make a marriage work. But I can discuss what I’ve experienced so far, and steps I’ve taken to make my marriage successful.
So the wedding is over. It’s funny how the question that everyone asked went from “how’s the wedding planning?” to “how’s married life treating you?” or “so when are you having a baby?”. I find the one about married life the most interesting. I hear it the most from married people and am now starting to feel like maybe it’s a trick question. If I look closely, I can see them looking at me with a raised eyebrow and maybe thinking to themselves “ha ha sucker, so how is married life really”? It seemed innocent at first and I always answered “Great!” But I realized that they knew something that I didn’t, and were waiting for me to discover that being married is no walk in the park.
Sometimes women put up with quite a bit from a guy to make a relationship work out. We ignore some obvious signs that this guy might not be the one, all for the hopes that everything will work itself out. Sometimes these red flags are waiving right in our faces and we push them aside. For what? To not be single, or alone? Sometimes, it’s just not worth it.
Half a decade ago I was in a really bad situation with one of those “bad boys”. You know, that guy who is so bad for us, but for some reason we must have. The guy that we think we can change (which never happens by the way). After the first three weeks of dating this guy, he completely blew up at me, I mean he had a MAD temper and it came out early (lucky for me right?). So of course I ended it. Hello? Major red flag! I didn’t want to be with a guy who yelled for no reason, right? The he apologized. And for some reason I gave him a second chance. I don’t think most women would, but I did. I liked the idea of him (having a boyfriend) and of course, thought I could change him.
I’ve heard some really horrible break-up stories in my day. One of the worst was when my friend got dumped after her boyfriend went away for a vacation. During the period of one week he had met a new girl, brought her home, and moved her in. Oh the heart ache she must have felt. It truly was a horrible way for him to end things. But I remember this particular break-up story because I remember how well she handled it. She was strong, mature, and had no urge to destroy him or his new girl. How did she do it? Maybe she cried every time she was alone or maybe (hopefully) she consumed high levels of alcohol so that she could drown her sorrows away. I knew this girl well and the bottom line was she just got over him, moved on, and never looked back.
I am the polar opposite. My worst break-up ever was with someone I dated for about 8 months. I was 28 he was 30 and we were in love. Things moved pretty quickly and I knew, just knew, he was the one. He was about to be a lawyer, an Italian like me, and we were basically compatible.
So how did he break up with me? The last normal conversation I had with him was amazing. We had agreed to move in together and finally start our lives. Oh my god this was it!! We would live together, get married, have babies, have more babies, renew our vows… and…. um…. yeah, all that other crap. God help me.
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