Alright, folks, ready for a little controversy? On second thought, what I’m about to write shouldn’t be controversial. It should be a that’s-ridiculous-and-disgusting-and-offensive-to-good-fathers-and-functional-daughters-everywhere no-brainer.
So tonight, as I’m driving home from nearly exerting myself to death on my bike, I hear this situation on the radio: A father, right here in my humble town, is encouraging his 18-year-old daughter to be an “adult film starlet.” Yes. As in porn star. Here’s how this went down. Apparently this
dad had his old college buddy—and thriving porn star friend—over to dinner. This friend sees the 18-year-old daughter and tells her father that she’s “smokin’ hot.” Not conventionally gorgeous like Jenna Jameson, he adds, but she could easily fit among the top 25 of today’s porn stars. He wanted to sign her right there on the spot. For $400,000 a year. And Daddy says? Hell yes!
Well, okay, I guess he didn’t say hell yes. He brought it up with his daughter, who was “taken aback” by the suggestion. Um, yeah! If my dad approached me after dinner with his raunchy-ass friend and said, “Hey, Kate—Bob thinks you’ve got the stuff”—a.k.a. T&A—“to be a hot porn star. Wanna give it a go? You’ve got my support.” I’d be like, WTF? My dad thinks I’m a ho.
And the kicker. Apparently the girl’s mother—who is still married to the father, mind you—knows nothing about any of this. She has no idea that her husband, who held their baby girl in his arms after she was born, is encouraging said baby girl to be everybody’s “baby girl.” Yes. That’ll be a fun conversation. “Hey, hon, how would you feel about Margaret being renamed Crystal and starring in Back Door Beauties XXIIIII?” If I were the wife, I’d be packing my bags and my daughter and getting the hell outta there!
Am I being completely close-minded here? Is this actually the act of a loving and supporting father who wants his daughter to be financially and sexually liberated? Or is this
guy just absolutely in-effing-sane? How would you react if you were the daughter or the wife in this situation? I’d love your opinions!
Oh… and as a fun little add-on, my husband just told me about a dad who SWORDED HIS SON for not moving out. Sworded. As in like, stabbed with a sword that he just happened to have hidden under the living room couch. Well, yeah. Isn’t that where everyone keeps their swords? The son’s okay. The dad’s effing nuts. What’s wrong with parents these days???
Dear American Apparel,
How’s it going? How’s everything? Are you still busy fending off those sexual harassment charges? I’m sorry. But hey, I have a bone to pick with you.
Here’s the thing… you know those awesome V-neck shirts you sell? The one that’s super soft, super comfy, and makes every girl looks instantly babe-a-licious? I love them. Thank you for that, really. But the thing is, I don’t understand why you have to make ‘em unisex. Seriously? Yes, some guys can pull it off. Mega hotties like Ewan McGregor, Javier Bardem, Gael Garcia Bernal, yes those guys work those v-necks like nobody’s bizznizzz. It’s pretty delicious.
But you see, 99% of the male population do not look like Ewan McGregor, Javier Bardem, or Gael Garcia Bernal. Most of them do not possess the natural, yet serious masculinity that is required to pull off those shirts. So they end up looking, well, icky. Even creepy. And slightly girly.
You started a trend I do not wish to ever see again, seriously. It’s gotten worse too.
Let’s take a look at the journey, shall we?
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