Some people have been asking me why I’m blogging so much about dating and ex-boyfriends now that I’m a married woman. Well, if you look at my life in segments, my dating life far exceeds my married life. I figure my first date happened at the age of 15 and I was married at 30. 15 years of dating versus just over one year of being married. I can no way claim to have knowledge about how to make a marriage work. But I can discuss what I’ve experienced so far, and steps I’ve taken to make my marriage successful.

So the wedding is over. It’s funny how the question that everyone asked went from “how’s the wedding planning?” to “how’s married life treating you?” or “so when are you having a baby?”. I find the one about married life the most interesting. I hear it the most from married people and am now starting to feel like maybe it’s a trick question. If I look closely, I can see them looking at me with a raised eyebrow and maybe thinking to themselves “ha ha sucker, so how is married life really”? It seemed innocent at first and I always answered “Great!” But I realized that they knew something that I didn’t, and were waiting for me to discover that being married is no walk in the park.

I think most unmarried people have this idea that once you’re married, life is bliss.  I can say that knowing that you found your soulmate and having that person by your side is truly amazing.  But what I have found so far is that there is an adjustment period and a good amount of effort needs to be put in by both of us to make sure we get through it together.  There are so may things that change when you’re married: your financial situation (you may have to share now), sometimes your living situation, your last name! For some, losing your identity can be a challenge.  I remember it taking me months and months just to feel comfortable saying my new name. It was a weird transition that took some getting used to.

Another big adjustment is when it hits you that this time, you can’t just throw in the towel.  It was easy when you were just dating to walk out after an argument, or just completely end it when you decided you didn’t like something about him.  Well not this time.  You vowed to love this person for better or for worse, so now it’s time to grow up and make it work.  Here are some things I’ve learned in my short time as a married women that gets husband and I through the adjustment period:

Talk it Out!
This is obvious. Communication is key in any relationship and luckily my husband and I are very open about our feelings.  If we have issues with one another, we discuss them.  If it’s a heavy issue, it may take a few days to get to the root of the problem but it’s worth it to get it resolved. I find the more you keep pent up, the longer the issue persists.

Reminisce
I love talking about the first time we met. Or our first romantic trip together. It reminds us of how we fell in love and most importantly, why we got married in the first place.  Sometimes you lose that as the minutia of everyday life takes over.  I actually found a journal where I can write down a lot of those memories, make some of the stories silly and even add pictures. It’s kind of like free couples therapy.

Play Together
Spending quaity time together seems obvious to me too but it is a good reminder.  We get so hung up with work and daily life in general that we push fun things aside.  I’m not just talking about sex but yes, having more sex is the best way to reconnect. I also found that doing something as simple as going for a walk through the park or taking a trip to the zoo helps us relax and just have fun.

I know that some of you have been married a lot longer than me and I would love to solicit more advice.  What are your secrets for a successful marriage?