Daily Snark: Babies, barf bags and a crazy Aussie
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Posted by Colleen McKie Categories: Celebrities
At least there will be barf bags
With Twilight kicking ass at the recent MTV movie awards and a full on convention dedicated to all things Twilight set for later this summer, what else is there left for this mega movie to do?
Hey, I know! How about a cruise!!
Yeppers, there is a Twilight cruise set to sail in 2010. The ship will leave from Washington and suck through Alaska and British Columbia. Yeah, when I think cheesy romantic vampire movie I totally think of Alaska and BC.
You can even bump elbow with stars of the film. Ashley Greene and Kellan Lutz will be on the cruise.
Yeah, I don’t know who they are either.
Glamorous outing
So it seems that American Idol runner up, Adam Lambert, is planning on coming out in the next issue of Rolling Stone.
What? He’s gay? I supposed Clay Aiken is, too.
Mel Gibson flaps his sugar lips
Ticked off at all the gossip about him, Mel Gibson laid down the law at his church. He recently went on a rant, telling members of the congregation, including a couple of priest and a bishop that if the gossip about his marriage breaking up and him knocking up some Russian while still technically married doesn’t stop, he’ll shut the church down.
Really, Mel? You’ll shut the church down? I thought you only had the power to make extremely long period movies.
Heathers II
With the flurry of 80s movie remakes and sequels, it should come as no surprise that the cult classic Heathers is slated to get its own sequel, complete with Christian Slater.
Winona Ryder, who co-stared in the original with Slater, recently said “Christian [Slater] has agreed to come back as a kind of Obi-Wan character.”
And what’s your role Winona? Lipstick stealing soccer Mom?
And baby make 4. Or possibly 5
Nicole Kidman and hubby Keith Urban are all set to adopt a Vietnamese child. Seems they are anxious to give ten month old Sunday Rose a sibling.
Nicole has two adopted children with ex Tom Cruise and she is reported to be pregnant again.
If you want to catch up to Madonna and Angelina, Nicole, better get a move on it.
At least Paris Hilton only collects puppies.
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The Tooth Fairy Needs An Economics Lesson
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Posted by Melissa Trebus Categories: Editorials, Humor, Parenting
So last week we had a rite of passage in our home. My five-year-old lost her first tooth. It was a little bit traumatic due to the fact that she swallowed it, but I convinced her to write a letter to the tooth fairy explaining what had happened and everything would be fine. That evening after she went to bed I snuck in her room, grabbed the letter, and left her a dollar. The next morning at church some of our friends heard her talking about getting a dollar. I swelled with pride, well, until I noticed the posse circling around me. All of a sudden the tooth fairy patrol began to cross examine me.
Apparently two of our friends gave their daughters twenty dollars for the first tooth and one friend gave her son forty dollars. Forty dollars!!! That is insane. Why in the world would anyone give a five-year-old forty dollars for a tooth? So I started to feel guilty. I began to poll all of my friends and apparently the average amount of money a child received from the tooth fairy was ten dollars. I don’t know about you, but ten dollars is a lot more precious in our household these days.
Nevertheless, two weeks later when my daughter lost her second tooth (thankfully we rescued it from the sink before it went down the drain), the tooth fairy left a more generous gift of five dollars. Suffice it to say I was a bit chagrined when my daughter yelled for me to come to her room. Upon seeing her prize she sighed wistfully and said, “I wish the tooth fairy would quit leaving me these useless tickets. I would much rather have some crayons or bubble gum!” From the mouth of babes…
Brown nosing
As his court date approaches, Chris Brown has decided to concentrate on his music. Robert Allen, a friend of Brown’s says, “Chris is focused. He knows how to deal with whatever is going on and is willing to do what he has to do to please his fans. He wants this to be his masterpiece. He’s predicting this will be his biggest album.”
Hey, Chris, if you want to please your fans how about owning up to the smack down you put on Rihanna?
Party like a thirteen year old
It seems that Angel and Kings, Pete Wentz’s New York City bar has been shut down for serving alcohol to minors. And it seems that it’s the third violation for the bar.
Might want to check what Petey is putting in that baby bottle, Ashley.
Drunk Petty
Actress Lori Petty has been arrested for DUI after hitting a skateboarder with her car while drunk.
Hey, at least she wasn’t driving a tank.
I’m a douchebag…get me out of here!
Two days into filming on the reality TV show, I’m a Celebrity ….Get me Out of Here! Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have quit the show, not once but twice.
Seems they didn’t know what they were signing up for. Really? It’s being filmed in the jungles of Costa Rica. What in the heck were they expecting? If we’re lucky these two will drown. Well, maybe Spencer will. Heidi’s boobs will keep her afloat.
Fashion—or Lack Thereof—at the 2009 MTV Movie Awards
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Posted by Katie Gutierrez Painter Categories: Celebrities, Editorials, Entertainment, Fashion
So… Is MTV really still doing that movie awards show? I didn’t watch it. (Although maybe I would have had I been home, but that’s neither here nor there.) However, that doesn’t keep me from passing gleeful judgment on the show’s attendees! Without further ado…
BEST
I’ve said it before. I think few women in Hollywood have better natural style than Sienna Miller. Take her green Swarovsky-encrusted Twenty8Twelve—the label she designs with her sister—backless minidress. With the beachy waves and low-key makeup—along with the faaabulous Nicholas Kirkwood sandals—the whole look is fun, glamorous, and effortless. 
I was pleasantly surprised by Ashley Tisdale, who managed to look both chic and edgy in an Elise Overland leather sheath dress, embellished belt, and sky-high gladiator stilettos. I thought the dusky lavender looked great with her skin and chestnut hair, though I did think the extensions were a little much. 
A bit of an odd choice for the MTV Movie Awards, I’ll admit, but I dug Malin Ackerman’s flawless white suit and sexy bustier top. Kind of refreshing amid a sea of overexposed starlets, no? 
WTF?
Okay, I hated—hated, hated—Megan Fox’s hair. The severely slicked back front with the attempt at loose, retro waves in back? Reminiscent of scary man-mullets at hick town bars. I also didn’t dig her D&G metallic jacquard dress, which really reminded me of hotel drapery and/or bedspreads. 
It pains me to do this, because I was originally all for the newly blonde Leighteon Meester’s more daring Emilio de la Morena dress. Then I saw the back. Do my eyes lie? Can you actually entirely see through the rear of her dress? Now I’m no prude, but no matter how awesome your derrière is, showing it in public just seems tacky. Thoughts? 
Ohh, Lauren Conrad. LC, if I may. Why? Nothing flattered about this Moschino rose-printed bubble hem dress, accessorized with ratty, bleachy extensions and deep red lips. The whole look was the opposite of youthful summer style. Enough said, I think. 
So, do tell. Agree, disagree with my choices? Who else should be on this list?
Glambert being coy
Even though Idol is over for another season and Adam Lambert didn’t walk away with the crown, seems people are still curious about whether or not he wears one.
And his answer to all those questions about his sexuality?
“Calm down… keep speculating.”
Eyeliner, eye shadow, nail polish and more hair product than Ryan Seacrest? Don’t think a lot of speculation is needed, folks.
Susan Boyle’s potty mouth
Seems that Britain’s Got Talent’s Susan Boyle let loose not once but twice in the same day, cursing her badly coifed head off. Could the pressure be getting to her? Or maybe she’s just got a potty mouth. Either way, her outbursts – one involving passing police calming her down and the other as a result of praise another contestant received – won’t endear her to anyone.
Afterall, it takes years to achieve enough of a diva status to pull off bad public behavior – just ask Whitney Houston.
Brown in doo-doo again
Chris Brown is once again at the center of an assault case. A photog is claiming that Chris’ bodyguards gave him a little smack down when he took a pic of the singer playing basketball at the gym. Chris himself was not directly involved.
I guess it was a male photographer.
Amy Winehouse is just lonely
According to Mama Winehouse, her daughter is a lush because she’s lonely and bored in St. Lucia’s.
“Two of her closest friends are going over to try to calm her down a bit. I think it will make a big difference because in the past few weeks she’s been bored. “
Bored? In St. Lucia’s? Sun and sand, yeah I’d totally be bored too.
Hmm…. maybe if she sobered up she could do something totally fun, like show up for gigs. That would take care of an hour or two of her day.
So I guess she’s into boys this week
Okay, this is tacky, even by her standards. Reality star Tila Tequila has tweeted that the reason she’s been so sick lately is that she’s knocked up.
“I’m gonna tell y’all something REAL FAST, then delete it ok?… Since nobody is awake… reason why I’ve been feeling sick on and off lately is because yes, I am pregnant!”
Uh huh. Then the class act proceeded to threaten her baby daddy by outing him if he didn’t “step up”.
“You should at least step up to the plate or I’m gonna have to put you on blast in the media…and I’M SURE that’s not what you want do you?.”
And just in case we didn’t realize it, the sperm donor is a Hollywood big wig.
“I’m talking about someone very very very very very f-ing famous! He is like A-list famous and you follow him on Twitter too.”
Honey, I don’t even follow YOU on Twitter.
Daily Snark: Jessica Simpson works the fat angle
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Posted by Colleen McKie Categories: Celebrities
Aren’t her 15 minutes up, yet?
In a desperate bid to hold on to even a smidgen of her celebrity, Jessica Simpson is slated to appear in another reality TV show. Apparently the new show, Price of Beauty, will have Jess and a friend travelling the country looking for beautiful people and what makes them beautiful.
The idea for the show came form Jess’ recent weight struggle. Just one more travesty caused by high-waisted Mom jeans.
Lindsay’s dad still a douche bag
Michael Lohan was arrested earlier this month for threatening to kill fiancée Erin Muller and then himself when she tried to put an end to the relationship.
Guys like this tick me off. Why not do us females a favor and forget about the first part of the threat? We really don’t care about the second part all that much.
White wedding
Meg White from the White Strips married boyfriend Jackson Smith. Also married were Dead Weather and the Raconteur bassist Jack Lawrence. The weddings took place at the Nashville home of Jack White, Meg’s band mate and ex husband. Benjamin “Swank” Smith officiated.
What was there no minister named Jack available?
Kanye is SMRT
Despite the fact that he has “written” a book, Kanye West doesn’t believe in reading.
“I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book’s autograph. I am a proud non-reader of books. I like to get information from doing stuff like actually talking to people and living real life.”
Just for the record Kanye? Books don’t give autographs, authors do.
Dating Diary: War Stories
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Posted by Mia Ricci Categories: Advice, Editorials, His Take, How To, Relationships
Hello beautiful (yes, yes on the inside too!) Girl Snark readers. Today, I will share with you a listicle of some of the worst break-ups I had.
This top secret list consists of five carefully selected individual incidents, out of umm… say twenty-four. Twenty-four, you say? Yes, that’s quite a lot. But that also makes me an expert. I am doing this so those of you who are on a “self-pity he-left-me-my-life-is-over” crying binge right now can see the silver lining, which is probably not the worst break-up in the world. Look at Mia! She’s experienced this a gazillion times and she’s still alive and kickin’! Yes my friends, I am still alive and very much kickin’. Cue that Destiny’s Child “Survivor” song.
Let’s go!
Click to continue reading Dating Diary: War Stories
Men’s Fashion Turn-Off #1: The Deep-V (Thanks American Apparel)
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Posted by Mia Ricci Categories: Celebrities, Editorials, Entertainment, Fashion, Humor, In The News
Dear American Apparel,
How’s it going? How’s everything? Are you still busy fending off those sexual harassment charges? I’m sorry. But hey, I have a bone to pick with you.
Here’s the thing… you know those awesome V-neck shirts you sell? The one that’s super soft, super comfy, and makes every girl looks instantly babe-a-licious? I love them. Thank you for that, really. But the thing is, I don’t understand why you have to make ‘em unisex. Seriously? Yes, some guys can pull it off. Mega hotties like Ewan McGregor, Javier Bardem, Gael Garcia Bernal, yes those guys work those v-necks like nobody’s bizznizzz. It’s pretty delicious.
But you see, 99% of the male population do not look like Ewan McGregor, Javier Bardem, or Gael Garcia Bernal. Most of them do not possess the natural, yet serious masculinity that is required to pull off those shirts. So they end up looking, well, icky. Even creepy. And slightly girly.
You started a trend I do not wish to ever see again, seriously. It’s gotten worse too.
Let’s take a look at the journey, shall we?
Click to continue reading Men’s Fashion Turn-Off #1: The Deep-V (Thanks American Apparel)
What If He Is Not Marriage Material Now, But You Can See The Potential?
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Posted by Marla Martenson Categories: Advice, How To, Marriage, Relationships
Forget it, ladies! Find a man who already has the qualities you are looking for. Now, I am not saying that if you are both young and he is still getting an education and will be moving up in his career that you should not be with him. I am talking about situations like he is forty and still living with his parents or has room mates and smokes pot all day; when he’s still trying at fifty to get that record deal while he expects you to support him, well, you get the idea. If you are fine with those scenarios or something similar, then that is alright, but if not, move on to someone who already has something going on. Don’t think that with your encouragement or advice that he will change into what you want him to be. So many women are so eager to fall in love and get married that they give a guy credit for qualities that he doesn’t have and won’t ever develop. Don’t fall for a guy until you know all that you need to about him. You want a man with good character and the qualities that are important to you now, not possibly one day.
Don’t commit to or marry a guy if:
* He is jealous and it has been an issue in his past relationships.
* He abuses drugs or alcohol. An addict will always give priority to his addiction. You cannot save him or change that; the desire to change has to come from within him.
* He is gay and you think that you can change him.
* He tries to isolate you and makes you give up your friends and activities that you enjoy.
* He makes fun of you or tells you that you are stupid.
Daily Snark (formerly Daily Happenings): Spencer Equals Jay-Z?
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Posted by Colleen McKie Categories: Celebrities
Pratt should get over himself
Seems now that Spencer Pratt has decided to venture into the realm of making crappy music, he considers himself the know all of the rap community. In a recent interview he not only compared himself to Jay-Z but said that Heidi was better than Beyonce. He then went on to basically say that the rap artists out there right now suck and that he was the answer to all of rap’s problems.
Maybe if we’re lucky, someone from that rap community will take him out.
Pucker up
At a recent charity auction at Cannes, a single kiss form Twilight’s Robert Patterson went for a smooth $20,000.
I wouldn’t pay 20 bucks to kiss him. Now, for the chance to slap him……
Sour grapes?
Seems that Clay Aiken is letting his fans know that he’s happy about this season’s American Idol winner and that he really, really didn’t like Adam Lambert. Clay blogged that when he heard Lambert sing Ring of Fire he thought his ears would bleed.
Don’t worry, though Adam: Clay will still be bitching and staring in Seussical while you’re on the road with Kiss.
Rock on, Glambert!
Yes, about 4 seconds after the American Idol finale, Gene Simmons of Kiss said that runner-up Adam Lambert could, “come on tour whenever he’d like.” Lambert, not being an idiot is considering the offer.
Yet another reason to hate Lady Gaga
Lady Gag Me Gaga lets US weekly in on how she stays so fit.
“It’s all about starvation! Pop stars don’t eat.”
Wow, that’s just a super message to all your young female fans out there. Trashy music, trashy clothes, trashy attitude. Three for three, Gaga. Way to go.
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